I'd rather be Besties with Satan than go to the Dentist

No, seriously.

I had a dentist appointment this morning, and all I could think about what the latest episode of Supernatural when the guy at the dentist gets his throat torn up by a drill used to help with root canals or cavities or something like that.

I can usually feel my blood pressure spiking when I think about going to the dentist. I remember that I've never had a cavity and I get resentful of the fact that I have to go.

Here's what I generally think about when I go to the dentist:

* Instruments of torture
I don't know how many of you actually look at what they use to carve away at your teeth, but they look like torture devices. They're metal tubes with hooks on the end. One of them has a scalpel attached to one end! Who thinks this shit up?

Fun fact: A dentist invented the electric chair.

* The way they always ask you questions while their hands are in your mouth
What are we supposed to do? My roommate and I both agree: you end up saying "yes" to all the questions they ask you. I understand that they want to feel special and make you feel like you're among friends- but I don't want to start chewing their hand when I speak.

* The utter inanity of it all
If you're anything like me, you leave the dentist with less money and your mouth feeling like you just brushed your teeth. Let's be honest- my teeth never feel significantly cleaner (except that one time I ate a bagel with cream cheese and didn't brush my teeth before I went just out of spite).

I understand that it could be useful for things like root canals and capping and things. But mostly they're useless if you actually brush and floss your teeth.

A subsection of this is the fact that they scrape and scrape and scrape until they say "Your gums are bleeding, you should work on that." If you would stop poking my gums and scraping away at my teeth they wouldn't bleed would they?!

* The polishing
I'm not much of a flincher. But the polish brush thing? F-ing terrifying. I used to cry every time I went for a cleaning (I've since advanced to wincing every time).

It makes a terrible drill noise that I'm pretty sure could cause enough duress that even the Spanish Inquisition would hesitate in using it.

So, when I say that I would rather be best friends with Satan than go to the dentist- I actually mean it.
(I admit, I think Supernatural is mostly at fault for this. Their version of the Devil makes me imagine that Luc and I could have lots of fun discussing how easy it is to "Present options and let the rest just happen.")