OK, so mostly "penis envy" is just guys trying to pretend they're superior to females. It's not true, but some of them do shine through and manage to be superior to...pretty much everyone.
But, there are a few things that convince me penis envy is real.
1. Peeing in the snow
I live in a state where snow is...let's say abundant. Snow is a wonderful thing! You can have so much fun with it: making snowmen, building forts, sledding or skiing.
But there's one thing I have to admit just sounds really satisfying: peeing my name in the snow.
I'm sure I could come up with some bullshit yet profound sounding psychological analysis as to why peeing my name in the snow is so appealing; but mostly I just think it would be fun.
The actual logistics of it kind of confuse me. How much pee would I actually have to have? Would I be able to stop the stream or would I have to write in cursive?
I don't know- but I want to!
2. Standing while peeing
OK, going to the bathroom is just an irritant- but at least guy's don't have to divest their entire lower halves to properly go to the bathroom.
It's just one of those things where it's like "God, that would be so convenient if I didn't have to waste all this time with my pants and underwear."
3. Peeing contests
OK, here's where we get to serious business. (Obviously the peeing in snow is very serious business- one degree more!)
Girls, we have nothing good for contests. It's all about one-upping each other: my boyfriend got me a bigger tapeworm, I threw up 632,448 times last year, my cramps are like if an Ewok and a Sand Worm mated and a Dalek raised the offspring in my uterus.
Seriously- period woes are one of the most common things girls talk about. Believe it!
Peeing contests are horrifying, disgusting, and I have to imagine they're ridiculously fun. Most of the female contests are just horrifying and disgusting.
I feel like there's probably some primal satisfaction with being able to pee the farthest (I dunno...something about virility?); but ultimately it's just stupid and fun. Everyone laughs, and everyone probably tries to hide the fact they accidentally peed on their pants or shoes.
But I think it would be really fun to run outside and pee as far as I could into the lake.
4. Better pay
I dunno...I think it's silly that the two genders get paid differently. If they have the same qualifications- pay them the same, right?
It's kind of unfortunate how gender issues are still an issue.
But I refuse to go on yet another Millennium Development Goals rant...as I'm writing this at 2 in the morning. So please don't judge me for anything you just read.
***Note: It occurs to me that there are a few...not safe for blogging reasons that validate the penis envy theory. Please know that I have considered these things and agree that they would probably be awesome.
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