Porn killed my laptop

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret: every laptop has been exposed to porn.

The first test they put a laptop through before it goes to market is to make sure it's capable of handling any type of porn- video, sound, text. You name it, and they have tested to make sure your laptop could handle this.

That's actually not true at all, but they probably should- since all laptops will ultimately be used for porn.

This being said- yes, I have used my laptop for porn.

So, one time, I was reading a fictional story about Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau. It was kind of an unfortunate happenstance that I stumbled upon this story. I was morbidly curious what people write about real people.

Anyway, it was around 2am. As I will constantly point out- I should not be allowed to do anything around 2am. Especially around finals week.

So I decided to read this story, about two Minnesota Twins players. And their epic gay love.

I was about halfway through the story when suddenly, my computer shuts off. I blink a few times before I begin my troubleshooting.

Now, I'm a fairly capable person around a computer, but this just baffled me. It had completely shut down. Nothing would make it turn back on. (Backlight FAIL.)

I ended up having to ship it to the main company after about 45 minutes on the phone with customer service.

I hope the window was still open and they were forced to read about Justin Morneau jerking off to thoughts of Joe Mauer.

(This story is pretty much amazing, by the way. It's bookmarked on all my laptops now.)